


maybe I just wanna be yours

by chll51



Series: in another life, you'd be mine [9]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy is in love with raven reyes, Everybody Knows It but Them, F/M, Friends to Lovers, because why wouldn't he?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 03:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chll51/pseuds/chll51
Summary: Prompt: Modern AU.The realization hit like cold water to the face and something in her chest bloomed painfully, because she was completely, and wholeheartedly in love with him. That thought petrified her.





	maybe I just wanna be yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raiindust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiindust/gifts).



> My apologies for this late fill. I've been trying to give it an ending. I kept going back and forth reorganizing this to make sure it flows; but anyway, I hope it lives up to your modern AU expectations.
> 
> Also this one requires you to suspend your rationality a bit. Lol. 
> 
> Nothing in this was beta so, many many mistakes are mine.

* * *

 

 _Secrets I have held in my heart_  
_Are harder to hide than I thought_  
_Maybe I just wanna be yours_  
_I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours_

 

 

I.

It takes Bellamy Blake exactly 20 minutes and 45 seconds to arrive home when he was supposed to be here an hour earlier. His hair is messy, and there are marks on his neck. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what those marks are, and since Raven is a genius, she will for sure figure out what caused his lateness. He has been cursing silently for the past hours because he can't believe that he let time gets away from, especially after she has emphasized how important this faculty party is. When he enters, he sees an irritated Raven waiting with a suit laid out on the couch.

The thought of yelling at Bellamy has crossed her mind, but the small voice in her head tells her that she’s being unreasonable. He's the one doing her the favor, and granted they'll be late, he's keeping his word to her. She's not happy with that reminder, but it's not his fault that they are stuck together in this marital sham. It was her idea, and he agreed because he’s a good friend. "You’re late.” Okay, so she couldn't stop herself from scolding him. “We have exactly 10 minutes to make you look presentable.”

He immediately takes off his jacket, and puts on the blazer she has prepared. “I know. Sorry.” He looks like a child got caught stealing candy at a candy store when he tries to offer a small smile. “Time just got away from me.”

Her voice is icy when she replies with a short, “I noticed.” She motions for him to come closer so she can put a tie on him. Her eyes are sharp and focus on the marks on his neck. A bit longer than she wanted to. “You’re supposed to be discreet, Bell.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Sighing, “I guess it can’t be help,” says Raven. “Try not to draw attention to your neck.”

He nods.

She then straightens his jacket as one last finishing touch. “Look, I get it,” she says, softer this time, with arms crossed. “You’re a married man without any of the benefits, so I understand that you still have  _needs_ for  _companionship_ and such."

He flashes her an amused grin, one with the dimples as he says, "Really—” He then pauses as his eyes travel to her lips, noting how soft, and pink it is. "Should I worry that you’ve met somebody else?"

Her cheeks burn."Be serious for a second, Bell,” says Raven, clearing her throat as she pins strand of hair behind her ear. “All I’m saying is, we got here on a scholarship for married couples. Being expelled is not on my list of goals.”

“I know.”

“The girl who gave you these marks, your girlfriend,” Raven says, “Is she trustworthy?”

“She's not my girlfriend.”

Raven purses her lips together. “That is not what I asked.”

“Yes, she is,” Bellamy says. “I’m a pretty good judge of character.”

She doesn't look convinced.

“After all, I chose you, didn't I?”

She scoffs with a smile. More touched than annoyed. Leave it to him to make it romantic. "For the record, I chose you, not the other way around."

 

 

 

II.

Bellamy can pinpoint the exact date and time, down to the minutes, of when he met Raven. He was seventeen and a bit reckless, so he was often in the principal office. They met when he was sitting outside waiting for detention, and she was there because she blew up the science lab by _accident._ It was not an accident if her reputation was anything to go by, not that he knew much. Their path has never crossed until that day _._

Her first words were _see something interesting Blake_ with a smirk on her way out. She had grime on her face, and her hair was messy. He thought she was beautiful and such a spitfire that he held his breath long after she gone. The second time he met her, she shoved him against the wall at some party after she broke up with her boyfriend (in his opinion, that guy must have been a fucking  idiot) and made out with him. He thinks he might just fell in love with her a bit that night.

Scratch that.

He knew that she could very well be the end of him, so he vowed to put distance between them. It did not work, and she saved his life. All Raven needed to do was look pained, and he would do anything to ease it. It was like he had a spidey sense, only it was tuned to her signals. It was not like he believed in some cosmic powers from above, or even the idea of _the one_ ; but Raven undid him. Even his sister, Octavia, thought it was nonsensical when he tried to explain.

One day, while skipping class, drinking under the bleachers, and getting drunk, she asked him what he thought their future was going to be like. He scoffed and said _what future_ beside doing some low end job? His sister was his responsibility, and between the two of them, he would rather his sister having the bright future.

Raven stayed quiet, then said that he deserved better than to think that way about his life. She told him that he mattered too, and he swore to God that he fell a little bit more in love with her right then. Of course, naturally he waved off her comment and asked about her goals in life instead. She smiled and said she wanted to go to space. Her eyes lighted up when she spoke about what she could discover on the vastness of it all. He patted her on the arm and said that she will because there was no one in the world smarter than her.

“Just don't forget to write my name on the moon when you’re there,” he said in jest, but also meant it. He did not want her to forget him.

A few weeks later, she pulled him into an empty lab. “This feels a lot like that party, Raven,” he tried to joke because they never talked about that time she kissed him. His heart pounded like crazy. Being close to her always did that. “What is it?”

“Look at this,” she said holding up a flyer. His eyes skimmed it quickly. It was a pilot program the Ark and its council implement every four years. They hand-picked the best and the brightest to join their gated community. Priority was given to couples, but participants can apply by themselves. If they pass the vetting process, they will get their own apartment inside the Ark, full scholarships to the most prestigious university and monthly allowance that’s more than three months’ worth of salary out in this waste of space. “Let's apply to this.”

He scratched his head. “I don't know, Raven. I don't think that I would qualify on merits. My grades are average at best.”

“Then why don't we apply as a married couple?”

He almost choked because he thought he heard her wrong. “Married?”

She rolled her eyes like he was being the crazy one, as if she did not just mention marriage like she was picking what restaurant to eat at. “How else would we apply? Plus we'll get priority.”

Not that he opposed to it, being married to Raven sounded great, but it didn’t make sense why she would do something like this just for his sake. She could get into this program in her sleep. “But wouldn't I hold you back?”

“Of course you won't, though you'll be stuck with me until we graduate,” she said, biting her lips, like she can't fathom that he would do that without her needing to ask. She looked so small when she glanced up at him. “Are you okay with that?”

It took all of his restrain not to shout a _fuck yeah_ , so he cleared his throat and asked, “Can I bring my sister?”

She beamed and nodded. “If we passed, we are allowed one family member.”

He thought about Raven bringing her ex boyfriend that she never quite seem to get over, then shook the thought from his head. It was none of his business. “Let's do it then.”

 

 

 

III.

The last time Raven has liquor in her system, she pushed Bellamy against the wall and kissed him; so she made a mental note not to get drunk around him because she didn't want to regret it the morning after. But there is a departmental party, Bellamy didn't come because he's on a date, and she’s irritated because she's jealous but can't be jealous. Everyone is having a good time. Even Emori and Murphy who stuck to each other like glue and making out by a dark corner like they’re some hormonal teenagers, so she told herself to have only 3 drinks because she knows that she can handle at least that much. She'll sober up, and Bellamy will never have to know. Fast forward to a couple hours later, her head spins, and she feels lighter than air. She doesn't remember how she makes it to the front door, and ringing the door bell. 

When Bellamy sees her at the door, red faced and giggly, he’s surprised to say the least. It’s like being back in high school, and getting pushed against a wall because Raven is never more beautiful than when she lets her guard down. “You're drunk.”

She tries to keep herself upright, while flashing a lopsided grin. “And you're lovely.”

Yeah, he remembers why she stopped drinking. She has a tendency to flirt, and lets her walls down. “Here.” He then loops an arm around her waist and puts one of hers over his shoulder to help her into the house. They fall into steps; her head rests against his shoulders, and she can't help but notices that he smells nice, like clean linens, probably because of his date. The girl, whoever she is, got to see the romantic side of him, among other things. She probably got to be this close to his face, and see his freckles sparkle or maybe it's the blurred vision that why Bellamy 8s glowing. Whatever, the girl's lucky, and Raven hates feeling like this, but Bellamy's hands are on her waist, and they're big, strong and they give her a warmth that she can't find elsewhere. She wonders why she's making this out to be so god damn hard when their relationship has always been the easiest thing for her. All she has to say is _I like you_ and consequences be damned.

“What?” asks Bellamy, noticing her staring as he lays her gently down on the bed. She has an look that he recognizes whenever he sees her working on a problem that she's trying to solve. The furrowing of the brows and intense concentration, like she’s evaluating the pros and cons of a problem. “Something on your mind?”

“Nothing,” she says, sobering up, and grabs tightly onto the mattress to keep herself steady. Her chest wants to burst with words that are dying to come out; a part of her wonders if her irrationality and panic come from the fact that he is taken by someone else. They're still married for the time being, but she would give all this up in a heartbeat if he tells her he found someone that makes him happy. “Thanks for your help. I guess I chose well when it comes to a husband, even if it's not real.”

He knows her well enough to know when she lies, but it's been a long night for her. The words she say are that of an intoxicated person, so there's no point to dwell on the meaning. They've been down this road once, and nothing transpired afterward. “It’s a duty that I take very seriously,” says Bellamy, as he helps removes her brace with care. His fingers run up her leg gently. “You feel okay? Your leg doesn't hurt?"

Not trusting her voice, she nods.

When he moves away, there's emptiness where his touch used to be. “Rest up. Emori told me you have a busy day tomorrow.”

Raven watches him walking away with frustration. “Bell—"

He turns around.

 _Fuck_ , she thinks, swallowing a huge lump. “Thank you. Goodnight.”

_Raven Reyes, you are a coward._

 

 

 

IV.

There was a moment.

It was after they were admitted into the program, and he was holding her hand with excitement and recognition that they made it,  that she looked over at him and saw the smile on his lips and everything sort of clicked, like she meant to be standing here with him. That all the shitty things that happened with her mother, Finn, and her left leg, culminated into this single moment of having Bellamy by her side. It _almost_ made everything worth it. The realization hit like cold water to the face and something in her chest bloomed painfully, because she was completely, and wholeheartedly in love with him. That thought petrified her.

Her mind played back all the times that he has been there for her, all their shared laughter and hardships, late night coffee run and study sessions, and how he always looked at her differently than the others. She thought maybe, possibly, that he felt the same way too. Of course her rational side kicked in because her mind liked to romanticize things. It happened with Finn, and that blinded her to the fact that he stopped feeling the same as her. It took her a long time to get over Finn, and involved months of crying, anger, and burying herself in work. She thought that she wasn’t ever going to move on from Finn until Bellamy came along. A part of her thinks that it might be worse with him, and she would rather have him as a friend than for them to become stranger, or worse, tiptoe around each other like they're walking on eggshells; so she did what she thought was best. She compartmentalized the feelings, buried them deep and moved on.

“Wait—he's dating and you don't mind?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” says Raven, sighing. They have exactly a week left to finish up on a project, and Emori's already distracted. “Technically he's a free man, and as long as he keeps everything hushed-hushed, he can do whatever he wants.”

“If someone try to date John,” Emori then laughs, “What am I saying, like John could stand for more than five seconds without launching into his long speeches about wartime strategies and quoting Lao Tzu. Plus, I’m pretty sure I ruined him for other girls.”

Raven chuckles, knowing that it's the truth. She hasn't seen a more fitting pair since them.

“Anyway, I’m surprised that the girl doesn't know about you. You're famous in this place.”

She blushes. “Well, this campus is huge, and we are in different departments.”

“All I’m saying is, I don't know how you can be okay with your husband dating.”

Obviously she's not okay with it, but she also cannot stop him from dating either. It wasn't fair to ask that of him after he had to leave everything behind to come with her. Even though he said all he needed was Octavia, she could tell he miss his friends. Truth to be told, the Ark has already tried to recruit her after they saw her AI prototype during the science fair, but she couldn't leave Bellamy behind, so she made a white lie about their relationship to qualify him for the exams. She could have come clean when she first told him about the program, but she didn't and now, it's too late. “He deserves to be happy.”

Emori shakes her head, then pats her like a mother patting her child. “You are incredibly idiotic for someone who's so intelligent.”

Raven doesn’t know what to say to that.

 

 

 

V.

There are only a few times that Bellamy wanted to kill his sister. This is one of those times. “Stop laughing already, Octavia,” he says, annoyed so he made sure to let her know by using her full first name.

She tries to contain her giggles and wipes the tears from her eyes. “It's just so stupid,” she answers between laughs. “Let me see if I have this straight. The only reason we are even here is because Raven asked you to—” She then pauses to roll her eyes when she saw him about to object. “Say whatever you want big brother, but she was your biggest motivator. Instead playing house with the girl you love, which by the way should be easy for anyone, you got caught with someone else—”

“We agreed that—”

“Yeah I saw the marks when you came to the party with Raven two weeks ago. You're not good at covert affairs by the way,” Octavia says. “So now, you play pretend to be in love with a girl that you actually love, and you also just got dumped because you don't want to bring the girl you were seeing around and let your relationship go public because well, you're married. You can see how stupid it is right?”

He definitely regrets telling Lincoln stuff. “Shut up.”

“Why don't you just tell Raven how you feel? The worst she can say is no.”

That's precisely the issue. Raven will say no, and they'll be stuck with that hanging over their head for their entire life. He tried once to tell her how he felt, but she looks so trusting, and kind that his bravado went out the window. He didn't want her to think that the reason they’ve been friends was that he's in love with her. Plus she made it pretty clear that she felt nothing but friendliness toward him by encouraging him to date. “Says the girl who has loved one guy her entire life so far.”

“At least I got a guy,” she replies with a smirk. “I didn't take you for such chicken shit.”

“Do you kiss Lincoln with that mouth?”

“I think we both know the answer to that,” answers Octavia, which makes him more grossed out than anything else she could say. “All I’m saying is that someone else show up and take her away. As much as I tease, I don't want to see you hurt.”

Then sometimes, she can be sweet, and he’s glad that she's here. “I know. Thanks, Oct.”

“Though I did bet Lincoln ten bucks that you wouldn’t do anything, and I want to win that bet, Bell.”

And there goes the sweetness. “Why is Lincoln taking such a long shower anyway?”

“Get more friends then.”

He gives her a annoyed push. “Shut up.”

 

 

 

VI.

The first time it happened, she stood in his door way with two bottles of whiskey and told him that they would drink until they puke.

It took thirty minutes for them to kiss, though he should give credits where credits are due. Raven was on top of him—don’t ask him how it happened—and the mood went from lighthearted to tense before she kissed him. A light one for them to realize that it was a mistake. Then it was ten minutes of awkward staring and not knowing what to do before they committed another mistake, and then another then another and pretty soon, her hair and scent isall over his pillows and he has her melting under his touch

"This means nothing," she whispered against his lips.

He figured what was the worse that could happen; sure he was head over heels in love with her, but sex was sex. He wasn't stupid enough to think that it would magically make Raven fall for him when she was still mourning her ex.

Then the second time happened. He came to find her with a good movie in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. Her face streaked with tears and she sniffed, annoyed. Before she could even say anything more, "This means nothing," he said, beating her to the punch. 

He tried to pretend that it was not disappointment that left a bitter taste in his mouth. They never got the third time, but it was just as well because he was sure that he might just tell her that he loved her.

Because the thing was, when Raven's guard was down, face flush, and her eyes doe like, (usually during the high of coitus), she took his breath away and made him forget that sex was just sex.

 

 

 

VII.

“Hey.”

Raven looks up from her desk and see Bellamy poking in by the door. She takes up her glasses and signals him to come in. “What’s wrong?” He usually doesn't come by the lab unless it's to tell her that he won't be home. She saw it on his calendar earlier that he had a date. “If you’re here to tell me that you aren't coming home, you know we both have phones right? Plus I saw your calendar.”

It's more he hasn't seen her in a week because she's spent all her waking hours at the lab; it feels weird coming home to an empty place because he's used to seeing her in sweats, hair in a bun and take out on the table doing her work; but he can't very well say that without scaring her off. Raven tends to shut down if she feels trapped. “First, I don’t have a date anymore because we broke up.”

She pouts. “Is it because she realized that she's too good for you?”

“Shut up,” he says, smiling. “Emori told me that you need some food, so I’m here to do my husband duty and take you out to dinner.”

Of course Emori is involved somehow.

“Plus, I haven't seen you all week,” he adds quietly, like he's afraid of being heard. When she glances his way, his two cheeks redden. He probably should stop talking before he stumbles on his words, but Octavia’s annoying voice is lodged in his brain, mocking him. Plus he really wants Lincoln to win the bet. “It's weird without you home.”

She tries not to give herself away even though her heart did a loop-de-loop. “Oh.” That was a stupid response. She really needs to work on her responses. It’s just when Bellamy does something nice, or say something sweet, she gets a brain fart, and all thoughts go out the window. “I just need to finish this last paragraph of my report, and we can go.”

“Can I watch?”

“Sure,” she says, then regrets it because Bellamy stands right behind her, peering over her shoulders. Not across, not next to her, but right behind her. Her heart thrums loudly in her ears, and she can feel heat radiating off his body. Does he have to stand so close, she ponders. It's like he’s doing this on purpose.

“So metallic hydrogen, huh?” asks Bellamy.

His breath hotly brushes against her ears, making her toes involuntarily curl. “Yeah, it's a state that hydrogen gets to when—” she trails off when he leans in closer. Just breathe, she reminds herself, ignoring the hot flush that manages to creep up her neck and into her hairline. “And it behaves like an electrical conductor. Four times more powerful than its liquid and molecular state and can be used for rocket propellant. Real useful shit when you’re trying to get to space and explore it, or whatever.”

“I see,” says Bellamy mindlessly, as he was busy staring at the loveliness of her neck than to actually pay attention. He has the urge to run his fingers across her skin, and it'd be so easy. She's literally in front of him. “Sounds awesome.”

“You know what, I’ll just finish this after dinner,” Raven announces and slams her laptop shut. She slips out from under him, and puts some distance between them. Her heart beats like crazy, and her voice trembles slightly when she suggests, “Let’s just go now.”

“Do I make you nervous, Raven?” asks Bellamy, amused.

Raven holds her breath and counts to three. She could tell him the truth, or she could laugh and brush it off. “What? Of course not.” So lies it is. Because the truth is, it's more than nerves. These feelings she has for him have been bubbling for quite some time. It got stranger since that night she came home drunk, something she hasn't done in awhile, and she can't pretend that hearing him breaking up with who ever it was didn't make her happy. It did, so much, and that's so bad.

“Oh okay.”

Something in the way he says that makes her think he's disappointed by her answer. But then he smiles and she thinks that she must have conjure it in her mind. “Let's go.”

 

 

 

VIII.

The thing is, Bellamy knows the line that’s drawn between them. It was decided by Raven when she called him _friend_ after the way things have gone between them, then later reiterated by him when he decided to take her advice and went on dates. But there are moments that he catches her staring at him, all kind and loving that he thinks it's not all in his head, that Raven, the girl that makes him sees stars whenever she’s near, a damn genius that's meant for bigger and better things, could actually feel an ounce of what he feels for her. Well, that just makes him want to take a chance.

Which was what he did tonight in the lab, trying to see if he can evoke a physical reaction, and it ended in disaster because she couldn't wait to put distance between them. So maybe, it really was all in his head.

“Are you okay, Bell?”

He looks up at her.

“You hardly touch your food,” Raven says, pointing at his plate. “If you don't feel well, we can just go.”

He feels like an absolutely ass. “No, I’m just thinking.”

“So that's where the smoke came from.”

God, he really loves her.

“But in all seriousness, if you’re feeling down because of the break up,” she says, “We can drink, or do whatever it is that will cheer you up.”

This won't do, he decides. He can’t have her thinking he’s sad over a casual relationship . “Do you know why we broke up?”

She shakes her head.

“She wanted us to make our relationship public—”

“Oh.” Then it dawns on her what he said. “Bell, I'm sor—”

“No, I don't care about that Raven,” he interrupts. “I told her from the beginning what I could and couldn’t give. So the breakup was inevitable, and somewhat mutual.”

“Then what's going on, Bell?” She reaches over and links her hand with his. “What can I do to help?”

He stares at their joined hand and thinks, _yeah, it’s now or never._ “I want this.”

Her eyes widen. “What?”

“Us. I tired of pretending that I don't have feelings for you when I do. I want to take you on dates, hold your hands when we are alone. I want to do a lot of things and if you don't, it's okay but I want to be honest because I’m just so tired of—” He stops when he saw her flushed face. “What?”

She looks away, clears her throat and says in the quietest voice, “Me too.”

Bellamy blinks. His hearing must have deteriorate earlier than he thought, but then she turns and faces him. “I want this,” she says again, louder this time, and with a shy smile. “Us.”

He doesn't even think before reaching across the table and gives her a kiss that’s a couple of years overdue.

 

 

 

 

_\- fin_


End file.
